1. Because I'm a huge fan of hip-hop (i.e. songs like "Superbowl Shuffle", "Can I Kick It?", and my favorite, "Mambo #5") I think Soldier field should be "Soulja Boy Field". This move allows us to bring in new and youthful sponsors to our organization. "Tupac and Biggie Live4EVA Field" is my second choice.
2. Here are my choices for our potential new logo:
- I know, I know not very intimidating - BUT - this allows us to reach out to demographics never before imagined. Boys Town?
By FAR the toughest Bear I know. Besides Curtis Enis
Worthy opponents will cringe at the mere site of this logo
3. Recruit Madden to un-retire and broadcast Bears games. We need our Haray Caray. This will only be allowed if Madden remembers that he is supposed to love ME ME ME and not Brett Favre.
4. Hire chef for Madden
5. Totally work out some deal with EA so I can be on the Madden 2010 cover. HOW COOLBALLS WOULD THAT BE?
6. Institute a mandatory Bear pun rule that requires every Bear fan in attendance to exclaim their favorite Bear pun at least once a game. Examples? You betcha:
"We can't leave now! The game has BEAR-ly started!"
"That lineman is HUGE!! His gut looks like BEAR-y Bonds' steroid-induced cranium!"
"I Can't BEAR to listen to Matt Millen broadcast another football game. It's un-BEAR-able to listen to him."
"Look!! Our football is naked! They're the Chicago BARES!" - a stretch, but a good pun nontheless.
7. Hire a janitorial crew for the potential Madden gameday slopfest.
8. Wax Lovie's dome before every game and use his gleaming uber-cranium as a blinding battering-ram during kick returns.
9. Advertise on billboards across Minnesota "WE HAD AN ADRIAN PETERSON FIRST AND IM PRETTY SURE HE CAN KICK YOUR ADRIAN'S ASS. LIKE IN A FIGHT OR SOMETHING"
10. Mandatory pat-on-the-back sessions for assistant coach Rod Marinelli for the absolute monstrosity he had to go through last year. Gift baskets and Snuggies are welcome commodities as well.
Jay "Cutty" Cutler