Last Place- Detroit Lions (1-15)
Since the big three in Michigan are collapsing (Ford, GMC, Meth Labs), I figure the Lions don't have a chance. Not because they don't have an offensive line or a sweet veteran quarterback like Rodney Peete throwing for them back there, but because their killer instinct they had with awesome-guy Scott Mitchell just isn't present.
Thought: Barry Sanders comes out of retirement and becomes starting quarterback. Daunte Culpepper throws clipboard and headset on ground multiple times, stating "I can do this shit a lot better. seriously. just give me Moss, Rice, Owens, and Harrison. I"ll do this!"
3rd place - Green Bay Packers (8-8)
Aaron rodger's never ending battle with the Shick Quatro takes an unprecedented turn this year and will miss 3-4 games due to massive razor burn and/or massive blood loss. Donald Driver will do something illegal; allowing for Greg Jennings to accumulate around 84 touchdowns (80 vs. Lions). The "Go Pack GO" chant will drive many rookie Packers to their untimely suicides after hearing it for the 1,345th time in freezing weather. BJ Raji will be seen sobbing in a local KFC crying out of boredom as snow blankets the smallest NFL city.
2nd place - Minnesota Vikings (10-6)
Brett Favre will come out of re-re-retirement-ish and will play approximately 30 mins of preseason game time before shattering his pelvis, paralyzing him from the waist down. 34 rolls of duct tape later and an ATV Rascal Wheelchair and Brett will be back on the field. He will NOT miss starting a regular season game, no matter if he cant use his legs. Season will fall short however when third play into regular season sees Favre attempting the option to Adrian Peterson and getting decapitated by Brian Urlacher. In a risky yet smart move, the Vikings trade Favre's head (with helmet intact) to the unsuspecting Lions for their 1st rounder next year (which would have been a crappy WR anyway). Detroit Fans shake their heads as they've been fooled yet again, and Adrian and company help the Vikes to an impressive 10-6 record.
1st place - Chicago Bears (5,000 - 0 ) - just because we could play this many games and win them ALL. GO US.
Me, Forte, Hester, and our mean-ass defense will dominate the NFC with a prowess never before seen. Don't be surprised if I put up some big numbers this year. 83 touchdown passes, 12,300 passing yards, and 0 smacktalks to Phillip Rivers. Of course, this is only a simulated season I had in Madden, but it could totally happen. I have a feeling this is the year the 85' Bears come back. Superbowl bound. I'm bringing back the fridge, Ditka, and zombie Payton to help us in our quest. Only this time around, Payton gets a touchdown. god bless him.
BONUS REVIEW: DENVER BRONCOS (1-15...only because Kyle may win them one game)
I don't Knowshon what the hell they are doing this year, but it seems as if McDaniels just threw his arms in the (Robert) Ayers and guessed with his draft picks. I mean, they traded their first round (which is going to be a sweet pick as long as they dont Detroit or Shanahan it) for the Fonze. Double u tee eff. He siad I wanted to be traded and I was all like "nuh-uh" and he was all like "dude totally yeah you did" and then threw on a torn hoody and sucked his thumb while Bill Belichick hushed him to sleep and read Goodnight Moon until McDaniels silently dreamt while drooling on his NE Patriots pillow-sheet. So uh yeah, the Broncos arent going to be great.
Jay "Smoothie" Cutler